"At this point, you could do a taboo scenario in space, and I’d still purchase it. Keep it up, Tara; you’re one of a kind."

I’m So Sorry You’ve Been Burdened with an Inadequate Penis

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12 August 2011

Hello in there?? Your new stepmom is coming in to help you with your shower. My goodness, you take a long time! We like to save hot water around here, but I know all the rules are very new to you. Are you shy or something?

Just let me get a towel and help dry you off…. there’s really no need to be so shy and sensitive around your new stepmother. I am a mother, you know. Perhaps not your real mum, but I love and care for you just as much. Now, let’s dry you off and…. Oh… OH! ha ha ha ha!! Oh, um, sorry… excuse me.

I don’t know what came over me. My poor stepson!! Is that… well, I do declare… I wonder… but how? Can that be? I’ve never… oh, um, don’t worry too much, dear. I’m sure it’s… almost normal… just about adequate… nothing to be TOO worried about. I’m sure it’ll grow and… ha ha ha ha ha!!!!