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It Happened So Naturally

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18 October 2016

You’re so far away… my only son, off to university overseas and I’m SO excited to get to chat to you… on video!  It’s our first time – I don’t know what the heck I’m doing with video chat – but I’m so glad to see my darling boy and hear all about your latest adventures.  I wish I had more exciting stuff to tell you… truth is, I just miss you.  Especially now that your father’s gone on yet another business trip as well.

We women… we get lonely, you know.  Adult stuff.  I just feel so… all alone.  And… I can’t say if I was even aware of what I was doing… on camera… while you were there, but so far away, and able to see me.  It FELT like you were right there with me – right HERE.  And that felt… so… GOOD.

I can’t say that I even knew where my fingers were traveling to… how much I was revealing of my body OR about my mood.  I can’t say that I had any intention at all.  No, I definitely didn’t.  It just happened.  Things do.  Like the most natural thing in the world.

I couldn’t have done it… not on my own… not if you hadn’t encouraged me.  I couldn’t believe what I saw… when you made me look… when you TOLD me to look at you.  I couldn’t believe what you were doing… to yourself… while you were watching me.

And I would blame myself – for all of eternity, for what I caused – if you hadn’t told me it was okay… if you hadn’t told me that you WANTED to see me… that you wanted me to do it… that you wanted me to take it off… for you.