"I've watched a lot of performers, but none of them compare to you!"

Your Prim and Proper Mother Struggles to Deliver a Very Important Message

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1 November 2016

Hi, honey… I’m glad we have a moment for… just a quick discussion.  You see… this is very hard for me to… um… talk about.  I… well, I’ve noticed – now that you’re dating – that you seem to prefer… that you choose… well, that you go out with BAD GIRLS, girls with BAD reputations.

Well, you see, that’s not what… well, not at all… I didn’t imagine you’d… honey, I want you to date shy, religious girls.  Yes, I think that’s most appropriate.

For, I just don’t see why you’d even rather… Oh… OH!!!  Honey, I can’t believe you just described that TO YOUR MOTHER!  Oh, oh… oh… my ears are burning!

No, no, okay, okay… well, honey, I think you should only be dating NICE girls, the kind that might… give you… a goodnight kiss… AT MOST.  Do you understand?  And then, if you find yourself… at the end of a date… *stressed* …or something… I can, your mother can, take care of it.  Do you understand?

Would you like me to give you a sample?  …I’m so glad we could make this little deal together…