Tara Tainton

What I Really Want

Written by Tara Tainton

Wednesday, 11 February 2009 16:44

I'm fed up. Finished! I've been fighting it way too long. I've been through it, learned that lesson, and fucking designed, bought, and worn the t-shirt! I've survived one more long-term relationship, and you know what? I'm not settling ever again. I know what I want, what I really want and that is exactly what I'm going after!

Here I am in the dating world again. Me without a sexual partner... can you believe it? I'm seriously single. Not just in-an-open-relationship-and-free-to-taste-the-fruits-of-any-vine single. I'm completely f***ing free! And it took a few recent dating experiences to make me firmly and steadfastly realize and commit to what I truly want. I want to remain this way. Forever. It's pretty f***ing spectacular.

Live It!

And you know what? "Dating" is still not for me. It wasn't 10 years ago, and it still isn't. I just verified that for myself... as the suffocating feeling of commitment and exclusivity honed in on me and grabbed hold. I'll have none of that! I've never liked the term "dating," not since re-entering singlehood at the sweet young age of 25 almost 10 years ago. I don't like being on a timeline, involved in someone's plan, or being assigned some end goal. I want to live, be, and remain totally FREE. And free, I shall be...

I've been there and done that. From a one-night stand to fuck-buddies and from traditional marriage to open relationships, I've experienced the gamut of general relationship possibilities. And you know what I prefer? Just being me. No labels, no agreements, no terms, no limitations, no little square box to be squeezed into.

And as I've been unknowingly confirming that for myself the last couple of months, I've been intrigued by a new man or more, by one proposition or genuine heart or another, and by one good guy to some other. I've really enjoyed the flirting, the touching, the questioning, the conversations, the testing the proverbial waters... all with a very open mind. I've been flexible.... eager to taste this or that... this opposite of my "type" or that contradiction to what has most attracted me to men throughout my adult days.

But that all ends now!

I know what I really want. And it's exactly what defines me as a woman and sexual force. I have a few finite fetishes... some more recently developed and perfected than others. I've even gone so far as to deny some, only to have them rocket right back into my sexual arousal and force their way back into the definition of my own desire. They're here to stay. They're here for a reason. And it's insane to deny them.

And typically enough, I've come to be in the business of fulfilling fantasies and celebrating sexual fetishes. My very work encourages them as I openly support all those who have, enjoy, and indulge in their own fetishes. All the while, I've been talking down to my own, kind of sweeping them under the rug so that I don't feel I have the responsibility of catering to them. For a moment, I actually thought it was "bigger" of me to learn to live without their fulfillment.

Poo on that, I say!!

If there's one thing a budding porn star is able to realize about herself, it's when she herself has urges that absolutely deserve to be ultimately acknowledged, respected, and devoutly catered to.... like those very urges and ultimate desires of others she so keenly and creatively works toward catering to. And I've learned my lesson. I'm so very ready to love, embrace, and seek out the total fulfillment of all of my erotic fetishes!!!

I love a man with tattoo-covered skin. I adore a man with piercings... and I don't mean a single tiny hole in one lonesome earlobe. Bleached blonde spikey hair on a naturally dark-haired man is divine. I like them tall, I like them lanky, but I am eager to experience and grab ahold of a "man's man" with the strength and width to lift me up and toss me around... imagine the sexual possibilities!

I think I actually prefer an uncut cock now... that goddamn beautiful natural shape, look, and feel with the softest little overcoat, the gentle flacid innocent appearance, and that vibrantly colored head revealed beneath when the entire cock is rigid with intention. And I love, love, love an English accent!! I've always tossed Irish, Scottish, Australian, and New Zealand in there as well, but I think the absolute ultimate, for me, maybe be the original English accent itself. Oh, and PUH-LEASE give me a nice cockney accent thick with slurring and oozing with slang.

I have an ear for it... I can't get it out of my mind when I hear it. And I'll forever be drastically, direly affected sexually by the mere sound of it. Why in the world would I not allow myself to fully enjoy that kind of sexual arousal, that kind of sexual power??

I almost paid $6.99 for a week of access to a sugar daddy servicing dating site just to communicate with a California man who totally looked the part of the type of man that drives me - and my pussy - absolutely wild. But he doesn't have the accent. Why in the world would I settle?

It was a movie that just played on the television that sent me over the edge, sending me reeling in reaction to realizing my own laziness and attempt to settle for less than everything I want and most enjoy. Yes, it was an Irishman and studly actor that brought me back to life... his scruffy five o'clock shadow, leather arm bands, flashy silver rings, tousled dark hair, casual attire, and boyish smile. Oh, and the ACCENT! I would've feasted on him myself if it wasn't impossible to reach inside the screen and strangle the leading female to get her out of my way....

And I realized it is a healthy, hearty English accent that I do prefer. And that comes with all the rest. For who actually declares herself limited to looking for a specific accent in men? Well, I do! I'm going to. I know what I really want, and I'm going after it.

Forget the rest. They can be playmates and friends and one-night stands, even earn my affection and forever-friendship, but I have my eye on the big prize, the only prize I'll settle for.

Now, if I can just figure out how to find every English accented man in the area... where do they all hide out? There must be a ton of them here in Las Vegas. Dare I post a Craigslist.org ad?? Either that or I'm flying to London specifically to search for men. I may indulge in a few divinely voiced friends and then hit the town with serious intention and my best sweet American smile...

Comments

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michael g.b.

| 2009-02-13 09:57

TARA . . . "What I Really Want" reminded me of an old song by The Rolling Stones: "You Can't Always Get What You Want(but you get what you need)" :) i hope that You get what You want! :)

BTExpress

| 2009-02-14 11:42

I don't think anyone should settle, but I also don't think one's happiness should be limited by requirements like an English accent or uncircumcised cock. Even looks seems like a requirement that should be far down the list. None of these things will be very important in short order. I would give much more weight to things like how someone treats me and sexual compatibility.

But to each his or her own. As long as we are happy is all that matters.

michael g.b.

| 2009-02-16 07:32

TARA just "knows" what i really want" . .in fact . .what we all really want! :)

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