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Guess what! I've gone pro! Yes, you're looking at a full-fledged professional porn actress now. It happened relatively overnight. Well, exactly overnight! I went to bed an amateur in the adult industry, doing my own thing, never having been professionally photographed or filmed or stepped foot in a studio, and then, like magic, I wake up this morning to learn that, well, I guess I'm now an actual "porn star!"
Can it be? Is it really that easy? I guess all it takes is one man's label, one little guy deciding I'm suddenly a "celebrity" in the business...
Oh, yes. I'm writing this blog entry on my non-existent expensive palm computer device right this moment, the one reflecting my high celebrity status and my outrageous income. Oh, yes. I'm huge in the business now... I had to move again as EVERYONE can recognize me and I was tired of being harassed by the paparazzi just as I'd attempt to walk out to my non-existent car. Wait a minute. Maybe I had a driver? Yes, that was it. Someone to drive me so I wouldn't have to ruin my 3-inch long fake nails or risk popping my big, fake breasts.... oh, and to serve as my bodyguard too, of course.
My face is so recognizable, and I've done so many promo gigs, been shot in so many studios, and put my big name on so many products, endorsements, and other avenues my hired agent and rep recommends that everyone, all you common people actually think I have sex 24/7 and am available to you, personally, for the same. Oh, yes. It's such a hard life. Especially earlier this year when I attended the AVN Awards here in Sin City where I moved JUST to become a big star, and I cried so hard when my nomination for performer of the year didn't earn me an actual award. Boo hoo.
Well, I'm going to be late to the studio downtown. My hair dresser, makeup artist, wardrobe stylist, and director are going to be really pissed! Oh, but they can wait... for I'm a big star, an actual celebrity. Heck, I can't even remember my "amateur" days now...
Okay, back to fuckin' reality. Since when am I incorrectly referring to myself as an amateur in the adult industry?? Apparently, all it takes is one guy moderating some adult-themed forum where I hoped to meet and make a few new friends and fans of amateur porn as I chose to share some erotic images of my exhibitionist self (for the benefit of all of mankind, I might add) to conduct a background check online or something and say, "hey, as far as being a new amatuer... babe, this will have to be brought up for discussion with the other mods to be honest with you im against it because of your status as a pro not even a pro am you have done a ton of movies to much to be consider a pro am." Oh, yes, that's a direct quote... note the misspelling and absence of punctuation.
So, all it takes is a video to appear on a DVD to make you a celebrity? But I produce my own DVDs... Oh, you mean to appear in scenes on DVDs with some big-time producers in the industry, such as Homegrown Video? Yes, I filmed those myself, mailed them in, and sold them to Homegrown. Awesome people over there, by the way. They feel like family. Oh, wait. Do you mean I've just entirely skipped the joys of feeling like a "pro amateur" and went straight to "pro" and celeb status just because of the sheer number of videos I've filmed or appeared in? What can I say? I think it's fun. Pardon me for sharing my hobby with the general public. Did you know I filmed all of those myself... had no director, no professional lighting, no producer, no guaranteed payment received, no stylist, no contract, no script, not a damn soul helping me out to really present that all-important image of being a celebrity??
So, there are a lot of pros out there then... a shit-ton of professional porn stars who film their own home sex movies for fun, choose to share the results on a forum or blog or community site, most of them not even sharing with anyone other than their partner at all? And we're all porn stars! Well, by god, the world's swarming with them!
Don't you have to wish, want, or aim to be a professional in an industry and a bonafide celebrity in order to become one? Perhaps not. Perhaps, I have it all wrong. And I didn't even get to live up my pro-amateur status along the way up the ladder. Goddamnit. I missed out!
Currently, I'm acting all alone. I film alone, film myself, film in my own home or some public location with no false lighting or setting, and I edit my own film, pay for my own equipment, build and maintain my own websites, write my own content descriptions, single-handedly answer all of my fan mail and receive custom video requests, research new fetishes to play in, and market myself whenever it seems fun to do so. I've had no professional instruction or direction, not even input or a business plan. I'm just having fun, just doing what's fun and, as it turns out, people have fun with what I make and do... which makes it all the more fun for me. I don't have a boss, am not carrying out a contract with anyone, and make my own decisions day in and day out, because that's exactly what I want. And I don't even have the right to choose to be a "pro" in the industry. Someone else does.
I have nothing against being a professional. Some day soon, I might even be able to see myself as an actual "porn star," though that title seems so lofty to me at the moment.... and so filled with all kinds of crazy additional fun I'm not involved in right now. And I love, truly respect, and thoroughly enjoy this industry. It's been good to me. The people are good. And it still feeds my intellectual needs to be stimulated and challenged while being given the opportunity to create my own form of art. But since when is it possible to become something totally new, essentially be forced into being someone different, all because some guy chooses it for you?
"Professional writer"... yes, I am that. "Professional businesswoman"... sure, I'll take that and with great pride. After all, I'm self-taught. But don't you dare try to tell me my options are limited, my real freedom is gone, and I can no longer communicate with the average Joe directly (after all, I'm "Average Jane" myself) and enjoy the company and feedback offered by those who enjoy and appreciate porn as much as I do, because I've taught myself too well, am too educated, too well known, and have appeared in too many quality and exceptionally entertaining videos.
I'll always be an "amateur" while "amateur" is what you seek, google, or flock to because you prefer a fresh face, a genuine smile, a real personality, a true sense of fun and exploration, and a featured woman who's still a part of and in touch with the real world to wholeheartedly want to know what you like, what your fantasies are, and just how she can put a smile on your face and a surge of blood in your hardening cock by taking the time to listen, to learn, to feel, and to understand in order to create something you are undeniably moved by while she treasures her return reward of being self-challenged and further educated in this wide world of SEX.
I'll accept the title of "professional porn star" only if you give it to me. Because you are the ones who know who I really am and all the reasons why we have so much fun getting to know each other better year after year.
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Tara's Trysts 
