Tara's Trysts Tara's Take on Fuck Buddies | Tara's Take on Fuck Buddies |
| Written by Tara Tainton | |||||||
| Monday, 16 May 2005 00:00 | |||||||
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You know the term. At least, I hope you do. "Fuck buddies," "orgasm friends," or "friends with benefits".....they all refer to maintaining a casual, non-committal, and usually non-monogamous relationship with the added bonus of sex on an occasional or regular basis. Many term it the ideal relationship: no hang-ups, expectations, goals, or pressure. Just two people (or more?) enjoying informal fun, closeness, connection, and intimacy in a safe and comfortable environment. It's a darn good thing, a relatively ingenious concept. And it's benefited me time and again. Fuck buddy relationships are an opportunity to continue to grow and experience the dynamics, issues, and feelings of a relationship without feeling undue pressure to work towards some state of perfection, ultimate goal, or ideal not wanted by each party involved. It's about individuals being themselves, staying true to themselves, and enjoying one another. And the real benefit comes with realizing through those types of relationships, that you can have the same feelings of freedom, space, and individuality and maintain entitlement to the fulfillment of your own needs and remain deserving of your own wants while in a committed or more closed relationship. A relationship in itself is supposed to be more freeing, providing more benefits to the individuals than they can achieve by themselves and separately. A romantic or sexual partnership is like any other partnership you form. It should be mutually beneficial, supportive, nurturing, and motivating for all involved. Just a moment ago, I was searching my offline archives for my earliest bit of erotica, some taste of Tara's first inclination towards freeing those deepest thoughts. Turns out that I password protected the really good stuff and can't remember what in the world I would've chosen for a password in the year 2000! And the later writing? Well, I just realized that it's pretty damn good. I hadn't realized that my free flowing thoughts were written in such near-finished form. So, you know what that means. I have to touch up the pieces and publish them. And then, you can read them. In the meantime, I came across a quick little write up I'd offered when asked to prepare a friend for what was to be his first fuck buddy relationship. For your own amusement and enlightenment, here's what I wrote to him in an e-mail. E-mails are so much fun! * * * * * * * * I've had a few fuck-buddies in my time.........It's gotta be pretty damn close to the ideal relationship type between the opposite sexes (or the same in some situations!). The key is that both people have to be completely open and CLEAR about what they want from the relationship at all times (and what the rules are, etc.); there's no room for attachment or jealousy. Honesty glues it all together and any withheld feelings create an instant demise to the dynamic. The number one priority must be the friendship; the sex is a fringe benefit, a meeting of mutual needs. And you must realize beforehand that no two people are EVER in the same emotional state in any relationship. In a committed relationship, you wait out those differences, one compromises for the other through the ups and downs. In a f-buddy relationship, the degree of contrasting feelings can wreak havoc.......someone's bound to grow more attached than the other. But, as long as you're always clear on what you want out of the relationship and what the other person is willing to give, no one can develop any hard feelings. Pros: a truly dynamic friendship, knowing ALL about each other, sharing everything, building a trust/understanding/respect that can only come from being so close, total freedom and focus on individual needs WHILE experiencing some of the surface benefits of a committed relationship, stronger bond than typical friendship which can help the relationship live longer than it would otherwise Cons: Time investment without contributing to a higher, more committed relationship, possibility of developing stronger feelings that can't be realized, high probability of a very short-lived arrangement as desires change, risk of losing the friendship all together if trust and openness aren't maintained My experience: I've never had one that's ended badly despite each being very different. The openness is a wonderful thing. The relationship doesn't really end; it evolves. [X] and I started that way and ended that way two years later.......that's an example of what kind of close friendship that can develop in an environment of so much freedom, individual space, sharing, etc. Once you have a f-buddy relationship, it's hard to imagine any other relationship type being more satisfying in any area.
3.23 Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved." |
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