Tara Tainton

Okay. So beautiful, curvy breasts have been compared to various round fruits for ages.... just as male genitalia has been likened to various vegetables. And really, who goes strolling down the produce aisle at the grocery store without thinking about what dirty things you can do with all of those edible objects? I know I always do! Ooooh, honeydews....

Yet, a recent little published tidbit I came across has taken that tendency too far. Okay, rounded breasts somewhat resemble sphere-shaped fruits. We can all see that. And maybe you've even taken advantage of the standard size of a particular piece of produce while describing a memorable pair of female mammaries to a friend. That's all fine.

But equating actual bra cup sizes to those of a few pieces of fruit? Come on! Any bra wearer knows that one B cup bosom doesn't match another. There are two major factors in determining bra size: chest size and cup size.

I was flipping through the February '08 issue of my live-in lover's Men's Fitness magazine the other night. It's a pretty good mag all around; I find plenty of health and fitness and fun-to-know tidbits in there that I can use or be entertained by. And I was definitely intrigued by a teeny weeny article titled with the catch line "Size 'em Up!" and promising to serve as a cheat sheet for men to use in buying bras for the women in their lives.

No longer do you have to be baffled by bra size, apparently. Every cup size is equivalent to a certain type of fruit that exists in nature.

So, the idea definitely makes for a fun read, but I truly hope no male attempts to actually use this cheat sheet when buying some sexy lingerie for his intimate female friend... she'll be asking why in the world he thought he could pick out the right size bra by finding one capable of supporting a pair of grapefruits. And she'd probably also wonder why in the world her lover, whom she shares so much with intimately, isn't even aware of her actual bra size, has never even looked at the tag inside her lingerie.

Guys, if you don't know your woman's bra size this very moment, find out what it is. Not just the cup size that you tend to get most excited by or caught up in, but the entire bra size. Every cup size is different... that's why you enjoy us so.

So, here's the informative fruit-sizing table created by Men's Fitness providing a good giggle for all of us in-the-know while likely setting many men on the completely wrong gift-buying track. And I want to know if any of my fellow sexy women can honestly say your own breasts are size equivalents of the fruit named for your particular cup size below...

An AA cup is equivalent to the size of a plum.

If you're an A cup, your boobs are the size of lemons.

A B cup? You've got a citrusy set of oranges, honey.

The often cited C cup is merely a set of grapefruits.

Carrying around a couple of D cups? Those cantaloupes can definitely get heavy.

Lastly, DD cup breasts look just like honedew melons.

And that's where the cheat sheet ends. I guess Men's Fitness readers don't come across women owning breasts larger than DDs.

Unfortunately, I'm both a DD cup and an F cup, depending on the bra... or the time of the month... or how I've been eating lately... or what kind of birth control method I'm using. So, I'm forced to fill in an equivalent for an F cup in the cheat sheet above. And what fruit exists that's larger than a honeydew? That must be watermelons...

Your WebMistress's Bulging Pair of F Cup Boobs

Obviously, the cheat sheet is completely inaccurate. Referring to it will only cheat some poor man out of his relationship itself, or at least, a peaceful day with his female loved one as they argue over his lack of common sense and his inability to simply ask or look at what her cup and full bra size actually are.

Heaven forbid I ever actually have to tote around a set of watermelons.

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Tara's Fans & Friends | 2008-06-07 17:08 cobalt 05/23/2008 07:40 PM Yummmmm nice melons baby! Sweet! cobalt Tara, your Lamenting WebMistress 05/23/2008 07:41 PM Oh, fine. I'd have to carry the watermelons around, and you'd just be happy to play with them without regard to the extra burden on me! ;)

Tara's Fans & Friends | 2008-06-07 17:09 Alexa 05/23/2008 09:28 PM I hope they're seedless! lol E-Mail me when you get a chance. ;-) cobalt 05/23/2008 10:24 PM lol I feel for you babe that's a heavy load to carry.;) but you carry it so well. lol I am available for back rubs btw. ;) Love ya! cobalt Vasper Janik 05/24/2008 02:24 AM Are we supposed to play "spot the nipples" Tara? michael g.b. 05/24/2008 01:37 PM i seem to remember in the musical and movie version of "South Pacific", the sailors used half coconut shells and palm-leave hula-skirts as humorous accutrements (is that spelled right? ha!) to pretend they were "the opposite sex" for a spoof musica; review). :) Tara, your Intrigued WebMistress 05/24/2008 04:58 PM Ha! Alexa, I guess that depends on if I intend for anyone to munch on them... I hadn't thought of that! ;) Cobalt, go ahead and line up one of those back rubs... or two. I'm gonna need it! Vasper, I think spotting the nipples is the least of our worries with these fruit-flavored knockers.. and maybe even impossible! :) But you can play "spot the pussy." ;) Michael... I hadn't thought of coconuts!! I love such fun outfits but... I'm afraid that half a coconut wouldn't be able to conceal my "fruits." ;) That also reminds me... I've been looking forward to checking out the authentic luau they hold over here at the Imperial Palace casino... I'll let you know if I see any coconut shell-covered bosoms! :)

Tara's Fans & Friends | 2008-06-07 17:10 The Fury 05/25/2008 10:05 AM Alas, I am allergic to melons, but I couldn't imagine your melons causing my lips to swell or mouth to itch. Thank God! Tara, your Curious WebMIstress 05/29/2008 10:24 PM That would certainly be quite a sight to see, Fury! ;)

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3.23 Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved."