Tara's Trysts My Image Precedes Me | My Image Precedes Me |
| Written by Tara Tainton | |||||||
| Friday, 13 May 2005 00:00 | |||||||
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They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but what does it mean when a picture renders one speechless? These conservative Midwesterners are seeing an entirely new side of Tara, the one they didn't ask for and in some cases, just can't handle. But don't they realize that's why I've returned from my worldly adventures? I'm here to shake up the bible belt, to unlock the chastity belt armoring all the poor souls, and set them free. My time back in this major Midwestern city has been great fun as a sociological and cultural experiment. Luckily, I'm detached from it enough to see it as that. The girl who left on her solo trip to the other side of the world isn't the same one that has returned recently, at least that's what everyone thinks. The truth is that I'm the same girl, but now I refuse to hold back, to further suppress the richness of who all of me is. I fell for their views before. I, too, would scoff at a woman with the audacity to walk in the public eye with less clothing than the weather called for or even the truly eclectic gal that dressed like a Wiccan maiden or a fair priestess. I had a job where I was planted in a cubicle void of natural light and I couldn't so much as utter the fact that I wasn't conservative like the rest of them. Beyond that, I was actually open-minded.......ah, the humanity! I think the first glimpse of the inner Tara appeared at a company outing, an effort designed to help us feel like a working team. Oddly enough, they took us to the track for the qualifications of the Indy 500. I got drunk with the rest of my coworkers, a largely male and married force. And then, I saw him, a beautiful young thing with a tan to die for, a striking blonde and spiked do, and clothed in nothing but his baggy Ambercrombie & Fitch cargo shorts. I had to have him...not because he was delicious but because I had to test myself as part of redefining myself as a newly divorced woman of 25 years. To make a long story short (don't worry, I'll include all the details and so much more in this journal for your deserving eyes in due time), I got him. He took off below the bleachers to take a phone call, and I followed. My coworkers later trickled down the bleachers to find my lips locked with those of the blonde god as he pinned me against the chain-link fence. It was a fantastic summer full of exploration, self-awareness, and realize every man in the world has a more active libido than the man I'd divorced. Thank the gods above! That was long ago but the birth of something great within me. It was the real me bubbling up and insisting on being free, all lasciviousness, hunger, pride, selfishness, and adventurousness included. And I have to say, I was very well received! Unfortunately, I was still caught up in being "corporate gal" for a while, working with the conservative majority, and fighting for a life that enabled my individuality to shine through. I eventually left it all behind, didn't look back, and took off for the first big adventure of my lifetime. And now, I'm back. Yet, I refuse to hide any part of myself any longer. I've also found a partner that understands, appreciates, and demands the same. We're two individuals utterly enthralled by life and all it has to offer, refusing to give in or give up or accept what anyone else deems is right for personal achievement, a relationship, or the definition of happiness or success. We have it all now, we're living it now, and we're wishing the same for everyone else we meet. And in the midst of this new dynamic and alternative world we've created for ourselves in the pursuit of self-fulfillment, my partner has his first American job, American coworkers, and of course, they're all conservatives. Oh, they don't believe they are of course! No, they "live the life," they too work behind a bar and not at a cubicle, they have babies out of wedlock, cheat on their partners, brag about breaking the law, and pass the time away with illegal substances. Still, when it comes down to it, they follow the guidelines set by the majority, expect everyone else to conform and carry out the motions we've all been raised to follow, and to share their same views.....because theirs are the only ones that are right, of course. It's week two or so at the new job, and my partner has already raised the eyebrows of his coworkers when they ask where his girlfriend works by saying "she doesn't; she's a writer. She does what she loves." Being mainstream as they are, they have to ask what I write, as if that really makes a difference and can actually pigeon hole me in some label they have ready to slap on my forehead. So, my partner mentions a bit of this, a bit of that, and erotica. The raised eyebrows become bulging eyes, and one married coworker actually gave my partner a wink and a high-five for that reply. Yet, the crew has yet to meet me in person. I'm busy working away at writing, web designing, and being generally creative at the home front. I haven't taken the time to make my formal social debut to the crowd because........well, frankly, I don't give a damn. But I'll get out there eventually to grant my partner his enjoyment of showing me off. In the meantime, everyone's asked if he's carried a picture of me. This, I find very interesting. In my experience, if you make a new friend or acquaintance who's interesting, you do ask about their personal life, family, interests, etc. And sure, their significant other is part of that. But why do you desire to see a picture when you will eventually be given the opportunity to meet that significant character face-to-face anyway? Either A) you're a man who's curious at what a fellow man has snagged for himself or B) you're a woman that that wants the reassurance that this fellow woman you've heard of doesn't qualify as more desirable than yourself. Enter the element of attraction between coworkers, and you're looking at a situation where a gal wants to know the new hot guy at work is maybe just a little more interested in her than he lets on. Seeing an unattractive photo of the significant other helps with that greatly and allows her to carry on that fun fantasy. Of course, my partner and I aren't traditional. We don't carry traditional photos of each other. In fact, I don't own a purse or a wallet. If I did, I'd carry...well, a nice pic of his mouth going down on me or something, all for my personal pleasure at a distance because I'm not into carrying around an image just for bragging purposes. My partner happens to carry around a complete deck of wallet-size photos of me. Why? Because I've taken lots of fun photos of him, we've taken photos of us, and he likes to have them with him. So, when someone asks to see a photo, he's had to determine which photo was the most "decent" for being shown to an acquaintance. The photo he's chosen in order to deliver what everyone asks for is one in which I'm in some fun, flagrant pose in a red lace bra and matching boy-cut knickers. Unfortunately, I can't recall what they called them in Australia when I bought them, something incredibly desirable, but I remember it was the same day that I had the official explanation of what "cheeky" means, because the girls helping me try on lingerie at the mall in Sydney were saying that a red bra was definitely cheeky and perfectly suited for a cheeky girl like me. So, my partner shows this picture to the public. I have no problem with it; he flatters me by being so proud of being part of the life of the woman pictured. And though the clothing is lingerie, it covers much more of my body than my swimsuits do, much much more than when I'd only wear half the bikini on the beaches in Cairns. (When in Rome, do as the Romans do!) Still, at the sight of this picture, the males are full of compliments but act embarrassed and explain they only desired to see a headshot. And the females, well, they're speechless of course because they're then trying to determine just what type of woman I am and what point my partner is trying to make by showing that particular picture. Of course, they're mainstream characters in this game of life, which is why they're searching for an explanation, an underlying meaning or message or determination about either of our personalities, when the fact is that there is none! We're just two people, individuals, and it's just a picture. My partner carries the pictures that he likes, because he likes them. He doesn't carry some suped-up studio photo taken of his partner over 10 years ago when she did smile and did still take pride in her appearance. In fact, that makes me recall the fact that none of the guys in the office I used to work in ever had a current photo of their spouses. They'd each captured the image of the woman they first loved and wished would return some day. Why aren't more women proud of their image? Why don't they take the shots their partners would really love as a gift? Why would they be shy about sharing that with others? It's just a body, one facet of our self. It's another form of ourselves to treasure, but not one to base so much feeling on. We are what we are, and it's what's inside that matters. So, why do we even ask for a picture of someone we haven't met? Most likely to tack on more unfounded judgments to add to our initial assessment of another human being. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could let the individual herself display her personality and values? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had the confidence to give our partners the gift of a representation of who we really are as they see us or what they love in us? Wouldn't it be wonderful if others didn't feel the need to tack on their individual opinions over an image? I can't wait to see how I'm approached or engaged when I actually meet these people who've seen a bit of my skin and already developed a long list of my probable traits. After all, I'm back in the bible belt to kick up a bit of a storm in anyone who cares to inquire about my alternative views. After all, they're the ones who've made it common practice to call something so much as an open-mind, obvious personal contentment and happiness, self-confidence, and lack of embarrassment or guilt "alternative."
3.23 Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved." |
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