Tara Tainton

Ooops... I did it again. Yep. I confess! Oh, but I didn't do it on purpose. No, it just happens. It happens to the men whom are involved with me in long-term relationships. Kinda like a virus. This is the second time. It can't be just a coincidence; it's now a recurrence. Yes, I drive men wild all right... right toward a baby-making future with great zeal.

It's a crazy realization. One that dawned on me as the news of my latest ex-partner's new direction in life and goals. I've heard this before... I heard this eight years ago. I left a long-term, committed, and (funny to think on it now!) sexually exclusive relationship and a husband who was eager, so darn eager, to have his first child. He felt time was flying by too fast, that he was growing too old at just 29 years old, and he had to start his family now. That wasn't an issue in our relationship, had no bearing on my decision to end it.

The funny part - oh, and it is damn funny - is that my ex-husband impregnated another woman, a just-divorced woman with a child of her own, just a matter of weeks after I left him. He was having a child of his own, starting his family, and proud enough of that fact to call me, his ex-wife, to brag about it. Fair thee well, you poor bastard.

I received another call, eight months later, to let me know that his son was born and he had named him Nikolai, the name he and I had chosen together to name our own some-day son.

I always appreciated that info about the life he carried on after his one with me. It confirmed he was on a completely different path than I was, had different goals, was spontaneous in ways - playing with the creation of life itself - that I would never be. It made me feel stronger about my own personal choices... even able to laugh at how the universe has a way of making everything right for yourself so darn obvious.

Okay, so that was a long time ago. Hell, Tara Tainton, as you know her, didn't even exist then.

And now, now I learn that I've driven yet another man and former long-term partner of mine into fatherhood. Oh, the seed hasn't been planted yet, but it will be. This last one, this last man of mine, is headed into babyland with the speed of a bullet. And I know for a fact that he doesn't shoot blanks. Hee hee hee.

Well, as this latest story goes, he's feeling more "settled" now, and he's really feeling his age. You know, the old, old age of thirty-four. Geeze... it's a goddamn epidemic around here! And he's ready to build his family. He wants to have his own child now. He's going to start with a divorced woman and her own, pre-existing child. Just to make this tale more modern, this ex of mine wants two families.

I always encouraged him to have his cake and eat it too. In fact, I baked the fucking cake for him. And iced it. Yet, he's always been the type to prefer to go above and beyond the norm and way past the American dream. He wants more than one cake. As much cake as he can cram into his very skilled mouth... if you know what I mean.

It's really amazing... the correlation between my two longest and most committed relationships. What is it about me that makes men run into the arms of a single mom ready to pop out more babies and ready, dick in hand, to copulate their own? My brother solved the puzzle... he's had similar correlations in his own past relationships.

The truth is that I believe wholeheartedly in equal partnership. I support our mutual dreams being made to come true; I work for mutuality and co-maintenance of the relationship. We're both "leaders" in the relationship. And by gosh, it should be FUN. Endlessly fun, playful, sometimes childish, always silly, and very, very fulfilling.

Not everyone can handle that. Not everyone can fully enjoy that kind of a relationship and partnership and still feel in control, or without the need to hang onto their own ego, or even remain guilt-free about having such a darn good time as they move further and further into adulthood. Awwww... too bad.

Just please, PLEASE raise your babies the right way. Don't have them to compensate. Don't have them to feel more adult or in control. Don't have them to feel like you have a stronger family or partner bond than your own ego could allow you to feel in a truly equal partnership.

And I'll continue on my merry way... embracing every moment, knowing every moment is an adventure, and adding extra joy to the lives of those who recognize the golden and one-of-a-kind opportunity that I'm not only happy but compelled to offer them.

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michael g.b. | 2009-03-29 09:29 remember that Steppenwolf song? - "Born To Be Wild"? :)

michael g.b. | 2009-03-29 15:57 just checking to see if my post got posted . . . :)

Tara, your Beloved WebMistress | 2009-04-03 08:07 I'm glad your posts are showing... wouldn't want to miss them! And we ALL know that Steppenwolf song! Love it. :)

Anonymous | 2009-06-11 23:37 wow, for someone into free love and liberal thinking...why are you so quick to judge and label your latest ex? whoever he chooses to have a family with - regardless of if the kids are there already or yet to be concieved, a family is what you make it - not two alongside as one child's already there! Jump into the 2000's there's a lot of 'blended families' now, and did you not see a common thread as you wrote this 'entirely stimulating' blog...you...firstly, you weren't and aren't in a place unselfish enough to have a family - which is fine, but don't blame the bloke for this. you laugh about knowing your ex doesn't fire blanks - jesus, is nothing sacriledge to you? i guess you don't feel guilt or shame coz you are the center of the universe...but hey, how about realisation - isn't this a porn site? you show your pussy with all sorts of stuff in it, why do you share other stuff with the porn junkies and groupies?do you think if they're getting off on you and a vaccuum cleaner they're gonna wanna hair about your real live stuf/ yes, i happened upon this posting, and have seen others, and still am astounded by your naming of family members (not directly, but it's not hard ot firgure) and all but spelling out what they've done. you had a go at them for doing what YOU spelt out. in doing so, you took the power away from the victim, why? , to build yourself a little more up...stick to showng yourself off, not invulving uthers, you go under a 'fake' name, so don't put reality in it...unless you're ready to be fully honest here, don't put the rest of the innocents in the middle of this shit too

Tara, your Bared WebMistress | 2009-06-14 09:21 Hi, anonymous, and welcome to my site. :) I'm glad you're enjoying reading my blog so much that you've enjoyed thoroughly reading throughout and are moved enough to respond and add your own perspective. Keep reading, and you'll have better insight to who I am, all completely real and honest right here for those of you that happen by. :) xoxo

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3.23 Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved."