I've voluntarily jumped out of a moving plane 3,000 feet above the Earth's surface... just let go of the wing's prop and fell and fell. I even jumped, more frightened, a second time. I've bungy jumped from a bridge above a river, a high-wire platform above a valley, and a plank on a mountain top. I've swam with sharks... involuntarily, but that wasn't even as frightening as what I was pressured to do yesterday.
When it comes to the world of sex, I confessed one of my true life experiences, submitted to Playgirl as fiction, and was published in my first print magazine appearance. My comfort zone includes telling all about myself without holding back one bit. No one stole and released a sex tape revealing my nude and performing body to the world. I released it myself! I've posted naughty photos of myself on the internet, and I continue to share all the fun and dirty and very private things and people I do in my life.
I guess I have a big comfort zone... even with flexible boundaries. My comfort zone changes with time, with experience, and with my own expanding perspective of the world and my place in it. I like to plop myself in new and sometimes scary situations. I'll try nearly everything once. I'm very.... comfortable.
Until yesterday.
You know I've really been enjoying taking special requests from new and former fans for erotic video clips of all sorts. I love helping others enjoy life more. I love sharing that side of myself. I love trying new things and having new experiences that others introduce me too. I didn't actually predict that one request would carry me beyond my comfort zone at all... at least, not this soon.
Just a few days ago, I peed in my panties... for maybe the first time ever and all on purpose to try something new and please a new female fan from the UK. Oh, yes. You know I've been trying to imagine her face and accent, and I love the thought of her eager to see my little soaked satin panties I purchased just for the video clip. That was so much fun...
I've stuffed myself with Chinese food much to the delight of dozens of new fans and clip-buying customers, but I do absolutely love to eat as well. That's not beyond my personal limits.
Porn stars do have their limits. I don't include myself in that group of adult industry celebrities and bright and shiny, well known names, but I am familiar with the "dos and don'ts" lists requested by new employers or producers. I've even made my own lists for those considering to buy my own homemade video submissions. It's hard for me to make the lists. I haven't tried anything that's a "don't" yet, so I can't predict what mine may be. I guess it's safe to say I wouldn't be into scat... I don't want anyone shitting in my mouth... or peeing for that matter if we're talking about golden showers. But I wouldn't mind giving one... or plopping one. Honestly! All the more strange and new and fun for me if someone else is enjoying that.
So, what's actually beyond your WebMistress's own sexual comfort zone? There's one particular fan special request that is actually the very first every asked of me. I've been collecting the props and supplies necessary over the past few weeks and was finally prepared to film a sexy little scene for my new Italian friend yesterday. I tested the equipment, go the hang of things, and pondered how I should fill in the time or moments not specifically described in the request to ensure it's enjoyable for my new fan to watch.
I got all dressed up in a short pleated wool skirt, white cleavage-bearing shirt, and the tan pantyhose and big wedge sandals specifically requested. In this case, the video is mostly about the feet, I believe, and the shoes that adorn them along with the pedaling/pushing action they participate in. I can handle that. In fact, I really thought the whole scene and activity would be really fun... except for one part of it. One part I really dreaded but I was certain I could implement that "mind over matter" strategy and just move right through and past that bit of discomfort.
I should've known better. I should have recognized the signs. I'm new at this, you know. I'm always eager to please a new friend or fan, eager to try something new, eager to deliver a perfect, arousing product. But I should've recognized what all the problems were actually connected to. I should've recognized my own hesitation and admitted to myself that this was beyond my comfort zone... too stressful, too scary, not even worth a few minutes of mental anguish.
One very important element of the scene was the balloons. Especially, the sexy pumping action of the foot on the air foot pump as a woman blows up the balloons.
I know, I know. You're imagining this "work" as a party. Balloons everywhere. Sexy woman playing with them. Sexy high heeled shoes pumping, pumping away with sexy ankles riveting up and down and up and down. The tan pantyhosed legs revealing toned muscles flexing and relaxing, flexing and relaxing. And back to the balloons... colorful balloons all around, falling from the sky, bouncing off my curvy body perhaps or I'm joyfully giggling and smiling as I hit them to bounce them back up in the air again.
Oh, no, my friends. That's not the case. This was no party. Not the kind I like. It wasn't supposed to be about pretty, bouncing balloons. It was about the pumping action and the balloon popping. Are you listening to me?! It's actually about the POPPING! "till they explode!!!!" the fan request described... "inflating to the max...then explode with a loud boom!!!" Do you understand what I'm getting at? What I'm completely distressed about even as I'm retelling the trial I went through?
I told you that I should've recognized the warning signs. I just couldn't keep the balloon on the end of the air pump's hose... I kept losing volume, working backwards, feeling the air whoosh back out over my finger tips as I'm concentrating on the foot pedaling action. I had to try and try and try again to get a good seal and actually inflate a balloon. I had a hard enough time balancing on one high heeled foot while trying to make the other's actions look sexy and not fall over as I'm pumping with my knee high in the air. I almost fell over several times, lost my ballooning progress completely several times. And my live-in cameraman pointed out afterwards that even as I was finally managing to blow up a recognizable, big party balloon, I was grimacing.
A Professional, Sexy Balloon Popper (I'll let her take care of the genre!)
I'm terribly frightened of balloons popping. Terribly, terribly frightened. I hate the sound. I positively hate the action. I hate the sight. And I dread, with every fiber of my being, the totally and completely spontaneous and unknown moment when a balloon reaches its bursting point. I hate, hate, HATE the unexpectedness and unpredictability of the popping. It scares the hell out of me.
Thinking about the scene and all the balloon popping ahead of time, I thought I could handle it. I thought I could blow up and willingly, knowingly pop a few balloons. Just a few. I wasn't going to push myself and cause any undue torture. But I couldn't blow the things up for some reason, then I made a horrifying face as the one and only balloon I managed to blow up reached max size and I knew that dreaded moment was coming. But I didn't know WHEN it was coming. And that's the whole point.
I asked the cameraman to stop tape. I couldn't do it. Didn't want to go past that point. Didn't want to wait around to see when the balloon was going to decide to erupt with an incredibly loud and untimed noise and break into little rubber pieces that might even hit me in the face as I bent over to pump the air into it. Nope. It just wasn't worth it. I do have limits.
The next time I'm asked for my list, I'm going to have "POPPING BALLOONS" right at the top of my Don't column in big, bold, frightening letters. Right next to my seemingly endless Do column. A girl has her limits.
WOW...I guess we all have to draw the line somewhere and that squeaky sound is definitely a good place to make it LOL
Tara, your Still Cringing WebMistress
| 2008-08-16 15:57
Thanks, Vasper! The topic and true-live event really did merit sharing! It's funny to me too... but so oddly TRUE! :)
That's right, Fury.... those balloons give me the willies! ...and not in a good way! ;) xoxo
michael g.b.
| 2008-08-17 05:37
TARA . . not to worry . . . not to fear . . . i'm sure that Yiu've popped other kinds of "balloons" and got a lot more pleasure from it . . . (well . . at least SOMEONE got pleasure from it!) ha! :)
Tara, your Timid WebMistress
| 2008-08-17 09:50
Good point, Michael! I have! ;) xoxo
BTExpress
| 2008-08-17 14:43
I never would have guessed that being at the top of your list in a million years. Also, I never would have guessed that being a fetish in a million years either.
Tara, your Instructional WebMistress
- You're welcome!
| 2008-08-18 07:17
We really do learn something new everyday. Don't we, BT?? :) I'm so glad I could introduce you, a master in the bedroom, to something new! ;) xoxo
btexpress
| 2008-08-18 15:49
I don't know about being a master, but I take it. :-)
Professor Fate
- Next time there is a TMI fetish question
| 2008-08-18 19:01
I now have the youtube clip to go with the question. I am glad someone as worldly as BT couldn't have guess those things. I don't feel neverly as niave as I did while I was reading.
Tara, your Equally Intrigued WebMistress
| 2008-08-19 12:54
BT... I'm guessing you could make some stunning home movies of your own! :)
Ha! I know what you mean, Professor. The world of sex is so wide though... there'll always be plenty to surprise us all with, no matter what we've experienced already or are into!
K-Man
- I hate popping ballons too
| 2008-08-27 19:19
and I get teased about it a lot....
John In Minnesota
- Party Balloons A Popping
| 2009-10-01 08:10
Hey Beautiful! I see it has been over a year since the last comment, so no one knows that you have broken your "Don't" rule. You did a fantastic job blowing up those red and black balloons. What would surprise people here is that, in the second video, you did and excellent job of popping them.
I didn't know you had this fear, and I'm glad you overcame it!
Tara, your Timid WebMistress
| 2009-10-03 17:17
Thank you for your encouragement, John! I found the high heels work excellently for me. ;) Thank goodness! I love balloons otherwise... they just make that horribly spontaneous, VERY loud popping sound! ;) I'll work on being able to pop balloons in pantyhosed feet next! xoxo
3.23 Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved."
Tara's Trysts 
