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...I am not a receptacle for your neatly packaged, carefully wielded, and cleverly disguised SHIT. I know, I know. It piles up inside of you, and you must work everyday to release it somehow before it eats you alive. There's an easy solution for that troublesome condition: STOP producing all that SHIT. Just stop. Let go of the anger, realize the world doesn't revolve around you, and your ego is not yourself.
It's been piling up all around me lately. And it's really beginning to smell. The last couple of weeks, down to the last 24 hours, those steamy pies of aggressive waste and byproducts of the urge to control one's environment and everything in it have been hurled at me with vehement force.
Yesterday, I received a poorly written version of "who do you think you are, you haggard bitch?" via a Facebook chat message from some stranger apparently because I didn't reply to his first "hello" fast enough. Last night, I was texted "fuck you, you're a stupid cunt" from an ex. I had to get up this morning and look for any publicly posted angry, hate-ridden comments left on my blog to delete as have been left there by a "friend" many times in the past. It comes from fans, even paying customers and contented benefactors of my sexy creative products. It comes from men and women alike.
And it comes in many forms. Thanks to an abusive ex and even more fucked up relatives, I'm incredibly well trained presently on all the patterns, warning signs, and slightest carefully worded verbiage that such persons cannot escape from uttering in nearly every communication they share. It's dished out by the acquaintances that continually utter put-downs and discount the thoughts, wishes, and expressions of others around them. It's served up by fans who insist on informing me "who" Tara Tainton really is amongst compliments and praise. It's relayed by new online acquaintances quick to issue an angry email discounting the value of the model and video producer they previously kissed up to and eagerly placed a video request with because they didn't get an initial response as quickly as they expected to. It comes from admirers asking for freebies, webmasters inquiring for free promotion and advertisement without offering any value or services in return, and amateur video studios stealing content and committing copyright infringement.
Seriously. What's in the air these days? Is it a full moon? Is "the state of the economy" taking it's toll on you? What's the issue, and why are you directing your personal problems at me?
Oh, that's right. I only exist for you on the internet, so I'm not a real person and you are often completely anonymous. I can't go knocking on your door to call you out on your ill manners and childish behavior face to face, tell your own dear mother on you, or inform your wife of your deeds. I'm also often naked, which makes me vulnerable in your eyes, unprotected, existing solely for your amusement. I'm also a woman; and sometimes, that alone is read as a reason to berate and belittle me. I get it. I understand why you've taken to using me as a trash receptacle, a goddamn toilet bowl.
But you know what? Nudity is not weakness. Naked is not vulnerable. "Pretty" does not equate "will not stand up for herself." Being public does not automatically grant you full and accurate knowledge of a person. Choosing to share or express one's self in one form or another is not volunteering to serve as a waste receptacle for the negative products of others' personal issues and problems. Baring one's soul in a blog... that incredible, powerful, and extremely admirable public declaration of a personal commitment to a life of honesty, integrity, and complete self-acceptance... is not an invitation for abuse.
I am not here just for your amusement. This site and all others I have put my time and attention into were not created solely for your personal satisfaction. I am not naked on the internet because you want me to be. My assets, quirks, flaws and all are not bared just for your benefit. I am not just another business woman, just another web model, just another female porn star, or just another she-blogger. I work, live, choose, create, fuck on video, perform, produce, smile at the camera, write, express, share, divulge, and welcome you into my life for myself. I do it because I want to, because it's fun for me, because it benefits the world, which is very important to me, and because I believe everyone should have the freedom to do what they really want to do and not a single thing they don't... and I'm here to do just that in order to keep supporting and encouraging everyone else who strives for the same. I love the fact that in doing what I love and receive fulfillment and constant challenge and new self-awareness through, you benefit as well. I love that you love what I choose to do and that what makes me happy also makes you happy.
So, you brutes, bullies, barbarians, aggressors, abusers, and anger-ridden bossy bosses out there, I'll say this now and may be willing to repeat it as necessary. I will not stand for your controlling behavior, manipulative verbal devices, pleas for undeserved attention, false promises and feigned praise, need to be coddled, or impolite behavior. I will not respond the way that you want me to to your verbal attacks, berating, and personal drama. And if I can accomplish just one thing during my time on this Earth and on the web, it will be to ensure that no other model, porn actress or actor, business woman or man, blogger or writer, public personality, artist, or PERSON ever puts up with your shit again either.
That's right. I'm a woman on a mission, and I fully intend to use my mind and body while spreading awareness and teaching all that I've personally learned. Watch out. Your kind is about to become extinct.
I am not here for you. I am here for myself. And I offer up true knowledge of myself and the sexually appealing products of my own creativity, enthusiasm, and personal quest for continuous exploration for you to be inspired by and grow, learn, and benefit from as well. If you understand that, we'll get along famously.
Now, let's all go enjoy some quality pornography. And remember to play nice.
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Tara's Trysts 
