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I Have to Plump Up Fast to Save My Relationship!

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25 April 2012

I can’t believe what my girlfriend is telling me! He… MY man… is actually out right this minute with… with a BIG girl! I swear, it had to be a joke, but my girlfriend promises she actually saw them and MY man is… crooning over a bigger woman! Is that what he actually likes? Is that what turns him on?

And all this time, I’ve been trying to stay fit for him! Does he want me fat? How in the world do I grow? I have to save my relationship… I want to keep my man. Does that mean I have to… well, how in the world do I turn myself into one of those big girls?? I have to throw out all my healthy habits… fill my cabinets with junk food… and start EATING 24/7!

I’m going to raid the kitchen right now for the fattiest foods I can find. I’m going to stuff my face with as much icky, sticky, greasy, fatty mouthfuls as I can swallow. I’m going to cram it all in until I feel my gut getting sticky… until my stomach starts to cramp… until my belly’s bursting right over my unbuttoned jeans. Oh…. why did I do this to myself? I’m so uncomfortable! I feel like I’m going to explode!

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